Writing and Relationships


I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now, but I seem to have a blog-writing block so here we are.

I have always wanted to ask a writer, who is married, or even dating, how the hell they do it. Particularly if they’re not dating another writer. Writers are notoriously full of baggage, we can’t help it. Some of us, of course more than others, but a lot of baggage comes with the hundreds of stories that roll around in our heads every day. And don’t even get me started on how most of us are control freaks.

I’ve heard (or rather read) that the best writers are eternally optimistic‚Ķ where do you even get that from? I can’t remember the last time I knew an optimistic writer. I would argue we are more hopeful than optimistic, and that’s a big difference. We want to believe, for instance, that we’ll be able to do this forever, that we’ll be able to quit our day jobs and simply write novels until we’re old and gray. We tell ourselves that it’s not that unrealistic, but it’s hard to say we’re optimistic when that familiar dark side of our minds tell us it will never happen. That we’re just deluding ourselves. But maybe optimism means continuing in spite of all our self doubts (although I understood that to mean perseverance).

For all my fellow writers who are married, or dating, or in some form of relationship that doesn’t include living vicariously through your characters (as I myself do), how do you do it?

16 thoughts on “Writing and Relationships

  1. Heh. I live with a photographer. I go write in my office, she goes and works on pictures in her office. What makes it work is having set times to be together–we eat dinner and watch an episode of a TV show together just about every night, and we go to bed at the same time. Both of us need our alone time for our creative work, but it is also important for both of us to know that the other is there, should we need him or her.

  2. My girlfriend is an artist, so that helps immeasurably to understand what it’s like when the muse taps you on the shoulder and you can’t say no. That was actually a goal I set for myself, that anyone I met would have some sort of strong creative background — didn’t necessarily need to be an aspiring professional, but at least had to know what it was like and be able to respect the things that come along with the territory, like the need to have time to work, or why you might have to spend so much time at something without much in the way of tangible returns. So far, so good.

    1. I’m glad to hear its working out :). I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to dating another artist per se, but I don’t think I’d ever date a fellow writer. I’m high strung enough, I don’t need competition. Haha. Thank you so much for your comment. I’m finding the answers this far very illuminating.

  3. My fiancee and I are living together for 7 months now. She used to be in the customer service industry, which is more or less far from my industry, i.e., writing and publishing. I used to tell her stories (which are my original creations but still unpublished) and the good part is that she loves it. She learned how to love and enjoy the writing and self-publishing industry to the point that she took up a crash course on creative writing.

    Now, we are both writers and still enjoy telling stories to each other and also enjoy getting kicked out of random bookstores because we are not buying any books but rather just sit around the corner and read their books. LOL

  4. My wife isn’t a writer or an artist but we share the office/work space PLUS she is my motivator, inspiration, alpha-reader and without her I would be vegetating in my wheelchair. In fact my first wife WAS a writer but put her energy into her career … and the relationship that broke us apart. Know which relationship has been the most productive.

    1. Hmm see and that’s why I don’t think I’d ever want to date a writer. Most of us are too driven which is fine on its own, but would no doubt be catastrophic to a relationship.

      1. Depends on whether the partner sees you as an equal in the team. With the right person, the team can be stronger, but finding that right person is tough and I made the wrong choices – until now.

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